I almost deleted my blog today.
I was sitting here last night, in my normal spot at the dining room table, with my oldest kid sitting right across from me, and I was considering the possibility of writing for a small local online news source. They’re just starting up, they don’t have a lot of contributors, they are trying to keep things interesting and active on the site. If I could manage to get on board as an approved contributor, well, I could use the extra money! Plus, writing is something I enjoy doing. Never hurts to make a bit of money off of something you enjoy doing as a hobby, right? I got paid to write for a little while… For families.com. It lasted a few months, then I stopped. I was expected to write all the time about specific topics, and I couldn’t keep it up. So I gave up, I walked away from it. But, if I got paid to write before it doesn’t seem too crazy to think that maybe I could get paid to write again… right?
So I was trying to come up with topics to write about, and I had a couple ideas, but the one I was focusing on late last night was one I decided I wouldn’t be able to keep up with. I don’t want to get myself into the same situation I found myself in with families.com, feeling required to write about a specific topic and being unable to continue writing about that one topic and getting frustrated and giving up. So I decided against that.
My wonderful child, whom I love with all my heart, actually says to me that I’m right… that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with it, that I would do it for a few months and then quit… like I did with the blogging… like I’m, apparently, expected to do with this blogging too.
I appreciate honesty, but…
Since those words were spoken I’ve been thinking about them. I’ve been thinking about things I have given up on vs. things I have followed through with. It’s true that lately I have been giving up more than following through… I gave up on the paid blogging gig, healthy eating and my exercise routine (multiple times on that one, actually), promises to watch various TV shows and movies regularly with all of my kids… I gave up on running, biking, photography, starting my own neighborhood watch program…
Lately I do give up a lot. It’s true.
But there have been quite a few things I have followed through with. I finished school, I’ve consistently stuck with my career choice (for better or worse). I ran an Internet debate forum for almost two years and when I finally left that group it was not my own decision to do so, I stuck with them until the very (nasty) end. When I was 17 and pregnant, I stuck with two jobs long enough to pay my medical bills on my own. When my marriage was in trouble, I stuck with my husband and endured much pain and heartache to keep my family together.
Lately I have been uncertain. I’ve been feeling lost, and I’ve been in need of an outlet of some sort. I’ve been in need of something to occupy my time and keep my focus. I have been searching for that something, trying this and that, and, for now at least, I have chosen blogging. And possibly writing for this local site. And because of those few words, those few very inconsiderate and not well thought out words, I actually considered giving that up.
Because clearly, right now, I’m expected to fail.
So I have a few things to say about that…
- It’s normally not a good idea to make assumptions without having all the facts.
- Never assume you have all the facts.
- Stop believing that your narrow little view of the world, as seen through your limited experiences, defines the whole world and everyone in it.
- Always remember that while it is possible to over-think things, it’s also possible to under-think things. Find a healthy balance between speaking your mind and pissing off or offending others.
I think I’m going to continue blogging.
No guarantees, though.